All of Me--Video

          CCM artist Matt Hammit wrote this song for his tiny son, born with a heart defect, yet his song has touched me as well. I've been an adoptive sister for 11 years now (okay, really all my life since Anna is adopted, but the roller coaster ride for me started when we began our first Russian adoption in 2001), and this song was so right I started weeping in the car when I heard it.

My siblings have been through a lot. They've been abandoned by those who should have cared for them. Three of them were homeless and spent a winter under a bridge at the ripe old ages of 4, 5, and 6.  One of my sisters has a flat spot on the back of her head because she was left for long hours in a crib with a dirty diaper and an empty stomach. They've been rejected by foster family, torn from friends, taken from grandparents, and separated from each other as biological siblings. Worse yet, they lived in spiritual poverty, utterly unaware of Jesus or His hope-giving, life-giving Rescue.

Things get messy when you spend your first 3 or 7 or 15 years like that. The worlds slaps the word "disorder" on a child with a background like that and calls the situation hopeless. And it is hopeless...without the love of God.

But I've seen the healing power in His love, made real to ex-orphans through the love of believers around them. It doesn't mean everything will be perfect right away. There will be tears. There will be brokenness. There will be ache and hurt and sin for all involved. But the Good News believed, the Gospel lived out and loved in a home, albeit imperfectly, really does heal. And to see former physical orphans becoming ex-orphans spiritually and gaining a perfect Father is unbelievably beautiful.

That's why I, as an adoptive sister, want to live the sacrificial everything-I've-got love modeled by my Savior. "Christian" literally means "little Christ," and that is what I want to be to my siblings 24/7. I can hold back my heart, knowing that their brokenness may break me, or I can love them like Christ loved me when I was broken. I can't bring about their salvation, but I can show them Jesus' passionate unconditional love.

They're going to have all of me!

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, (please don't) Make Me a Match

I really appreciate Erica's post over here: it goes right along with some things I've been thinking about lately. Thanks for being so frank and thoughtful, Erica!

My Valentines' thoughts in general are actually summed up beautifully (better than I could!) by a good friend here. I feel so blessed to watch my friend grow by leaps and bounds in Jesus!

 In my life right now, Valentine's Day is not about "my man" and me -I haven't even met him yet (though I love him dearly and pray for him every day...I know, mush mush)! Right now, Valentine's Day is time for me to be patient and content as I wait on God's timing for my future. Right now, Valentine's Day is time for me to remember and grasp a little better Christ's unbelievable love for me--He loved me when I was His enemy!

 Right now is also the perfect time for me to be thankful for my parents' beautiful marriage. Beautiful because it is based in a passionate love for God. Beautiful because it is forever. Beautiful because they choose to forgive each other. Beautiful because they choose to delight in each other.

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for modeling a marriage that reflects Christ and the Church.

I'll Never Be the Same

One of my "kids"

Last August, I posted several times about my trip to St. Petersburg. Summer is long gone, and that trip is already five months behind me. Nevertheless, I think I can honestly say I have thought about that trip and been impacted by it every single day.

I knew before going that I would be broken by the spiritual and physical poverty that I saw. I knew I would laugh and cry with and about the little (and not so little) people that I met. I knew that God would show me my own sin and would break my heart over what breaks His heart.

However, I didn't count on coming back with children of my own. Heh, heh, surprised you there, didn't I?  No, I don't have children living in my home that call me "Mom" and who literally fill my physical life with needs and hugs and tears and their own unique personality.

The children I'm talking about are six individuals I met. At most, I only ever spent about twelve hours with them. But their faces, their personalities, their deep need and broken lives walk with me through each day. God keeps bringing their particular story, their specific need, their acute brokenness, and their deep unfulfilled need for human love. I don't know why them when there were so many orphans there. I'm not some sort of spiritual superhero who went planning for such an experience. But even though they may never know it, they'll always have a spiritual "mom" who prays for them each day. I hope, I long, to meet them again in Heaven.

Watch out. God uses little things to change your life forever!  

Are You Thirsty?

"Let any man turn to God in earnest, let him begin to exercise himself unto godliness, let him seek to develop his powers of spiritual receptivity by trust and obedience and humility, and the results will exceed anything he may have hoped in his leaner and weaker days.

         Any man who by repentance and a sincere return to God will break himself out of the mold in which he has been held, and will go to the bible for his spiritual standards, will be delighted with what he finds there...We will know Him in increasing degree as our receptivity becomes more perfect by faith and love and practice."

                                                                              ~A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God

Oh...that's right, I have a blog!

To prove that I am indeed still alive, I shall now post a picture:

A tiny little girl entering a Russian Orthodox Church--August 2011

Hey, that was kind of fun. Hmm, maybe another picture...

The local "S.T.A.R.S" barn; an animal-oriented therapeutic center for children with disabilities. My sister "Daria" volunteers there, and she is always struck by how joyful the children are! 

  Apparently, my niece or nephew is now about the size of an eggplant (I'm positive Pixie is much cuter, though!). Hopefully this week we will hear whether Baby is a he-Nix or a she-Nix. Either will be absolutely loved by this aunt!! 

My last remark does not come with a picture but just might make you all jealous; we're eating ice cream for dinner. Shh don't tell our dentist. 

~Lissie 

Because He First Loved Us

"It’s this sense of amazement, that I, a sinner, have peace with God, that makes the heart tender, kind and forgiving." John Piper

1 Story, 2 Photos, 3 Things I'm Thankful For

~One Story~

         Christmas 2009: Long story short, my parents had been feeling God's prompting to adopt again (I already had six siblings from Russia). This time though, we felt drawn to a different agency than we had previously used: Russian Orphan Lighthouse Project. As I perused the agency's blog, which contained short bios of some of the kids, I suddenly found my brother. That's all there was to it. Mind you, I don't make decisions quickly: I ponder options, weigh pros and cons, and deliberate before finally deciding whether I agree with something. Yet as soon as I saw that dimpled smile, I was utterly convinced that was my brother.

          I began dropping hints galore; casually mentioning the need for another boy in our girl-dominated family; proclaiming that I liked the name "Nikolai"; leaving the blog post about the 10 year old up on the computer screen for the next parent who happened by; and most often of all, putting on the song "All I want for Christmas" by Steven Curtis Chapman. My most energetic efforts, though were turned to prayer. "Oh God, please let us be Nikolai's family," I prayed dozens of times.

        Christmas 2011: the same dimpled grin that captured my heart two years before delighted me this Christmas as Nikolai, now my brother, enjoyed Christmas Day with the enthusiasm that he brings to every single day. His laugh is infectious and frequent; his spirit resilient; his heart affectionate. Though wounded and betrayed by those closest to him in his short lifetime, Nikolai is willing to trust us. I'm so grateful God answered my prayer and gave me the chance to be Nikolai's big sister.

~Two Photos~

The contents of a wonderful surprise package from a dear Alaskan "sister."

Oksana wears sunglasses everywhere these days; Dad calls her "Hollywood." Right now she speaks a language of her own that is pretty much English and Russian every other word.

~3 Things I'm Thankful For~

I have way more than three things to be thankful for, but three goes along with the number theme of this post! So here they are:

1. A month with our goofy, energetic Jaynie! It's so great to have her home for a time, and I'm relishing a growing closeness thanks to the fact that as of earlier this year, Jaynie and I are now sisters in Christ. It's been wonderful to watch her grow as a new Christian!
2. A break in school-though I love learning, I've been very much enjoying a chance to relax, spend time with family, catch up on emails and reading, and more time to dive into my favorite Book-the Bible!
3. More time with Dad! He took a week off for Christmas, and we are all making the most of more time with our goofy, godly, wise, handsome, intelligent Dad. 

~Lissie